The truth about device use
The media is rife with scary sounding articles about the impact of device use. Our teens will put unbelievable levels of pressure on us to give them devices or increase their device freedoms. The online world is an increasingly lawless and worrying place. We grew up in a world which wasn’t dependent on technology and so getting into our teen’s headspace can be really challenging for us.
We are going to learn about what the currently understood impact of device use really is and some strategies which can help teens develop better device control. As with all things teen, our core principle for devices will be involving them in decision making to help them develop those adult reasoning skills.
Links with mental health issues
It doesn’t take much time online to read something saying that smart phones are making us sick. This is partly true. Currently the best understanding we have is that those who use smartphones more are more likely to be diagnosed with a mental health issue. We also know that the younger a person gets their first smartphone, the more likely they are to develop a mental health issue. These links are not nearly as strong when it comes to other types of devices.What we don’t know for definite is why this is. The underlying trend spotted by researchers is that since 2010 the number of children reporting that they feel likeable has decreased significantly. 2010 is 3 years after the release of the first Iphone and around the time that smartphones reached a price which meant parents were letting their children have one.
Links with addiction - adults are the key
Smartphone use is shown to trigger some of the brain mechanisms linked with addiction. I am yet to see a study which shows they are actually addictive. Despite this you will hear lots of people saying we are addicted to our phones. Quality scientific tests have shown consistently that when adults are involved in supporting device use, their children improve control and reduce the risk of developing mental health issues. We are going to focus on the most effective ways to achieve this.
You are unlikely to ever be thanked for supporting healthy device use. This can make this particular area feel very uncertain for adults. Here are some factors I have found it important to hold in my mind to be able to carry out strategies the best I can:
Things to consider
Teens feel increased levels of emotion. We saw this in week two. One of the reasons for this is to drive them to make adult social groups. Their device is a window into that social group which runs almost 24 hours unlike our childhoods. They may at first, be anxious about leaving their device as it represents being isolated from the social group.
We just don’t get it. Those of us who are currently raising teens have been lucky enough to grow up before devices were readily available. They are useful tools to us but we remember how to exist without them and have a perspective on when to put them down. It is easy to assume our teen has this perspective. They won’t. Keeping this in mind helps me to stop falling into the trap of thinking it’s obvious to my teen that they’ve had enough of their device.
Making decisions together
Telling our teens what to do rarely works. As devices are a sign of adulthood they are also ultra aware of our device use and will bring this up in discussions.
Setting device strategies runs smoothest when it is done as a social group. Setting the limits on the conversation and then getting your teens opinions, advice and ideas and using them equally to your own gives the best chance of progress.
This will be uncomfortable but in the long run totally worth it. Reflecting regularly with your teen on how it is working and what they are noticing about how they feel on and off their device will help them to better understand their own device use.
Enforcing the limits
No matter how willing our teens are to engage in a device strategy, it will be tested. At this point towing the line is so important as adults. It is also hard because they are likely to challenge us energetically. All the tools you need were covered during communication in the second week of this course. Be ready to use them.
Ensure that you have been following the rules. Stick to the facts, there was an agreement and you are the one who has to hold them to it. Remind them why they made the agreement and the reasons they said it was the right thing to do. If they choose to ignore you anyway it’s not your fault. Ensure you raise this with them shortly after at a calm moment and ask them what they think an appropriate consequence should be, before deciding one yourself.
