Teens engage in some heart stopping behaviours. When they do, we feel like we have failed them. There is a constant nagging that we could have done something more or different. Have we become bad role models?
NO! At Same Boat Parents we’ve learned how to understand teen risk taking and what you can do to help them manage it the best they can. Here are 3 things all parents should know about teen risk taking:
1 It’s not your fault, it’s their programming
Teens are programmed to take risks. It is part of the huge brain development they experience between the ages of 11-24 (known as adolescence). It is a process designed to help them learn their adult limits and capabilities. Studies show that it is worse when in front of their peers. Studies also show teens are poor at assessing risk.
2 Create a safe space
We have found that putting our panic aside and staying calm is vital, “manage your mask” when discussing risky behaviours. Remove your judgment from the situation, they already know they pushed the limit, they were probably as scared as you. We want them to feel they can discuss their behaviour without reprisal.
3 Developing their risk assessment skills
We see the best development when teens feel we understand why they felt the need to take the risk. It’s vital the discussion involves what could have gone wrong, this helps them learn to predict consequences. If you feel you need to impose a boundary then be clear why that is, ensure you can follow through, ensure they are clear what they need to do for the boundary to be removed.
We can’t stop teens taking risks. Our job is to ensure that our teens are developing the ability to risk assess and make sound decisions. Ensuring they have a safe space to return to and review their actions is a key part of the puzzle.
