At Same Boat Parents we often meet parents who have accidentally dropped the kindness from their interactions with their teen. This is unknowingly making their life harder. It is so easy to do with the relentless, exhausting nature of teen challenges.
If in a moment you realise this is you, forgive yourself. Every member of our team has been guilty of this. The media pumps us full of negative images of teens. This encourages you to take dismissive approach at the end of a busy day when your teen decides something menial is the most important thing in the world. Life has given them enough to worry about and you don’t want to be adding to it. Here are 4 warning signs it might be you and one thing to try out if it is:
Sarcasm - This is when you get irritated and take the piss out of your teenager in a smart way. You will feel great and it will stop the confrontation. It also makes them feel silly and like you don’t value them. Over time it erodes trust, making things harder.
Denying their feelings - Teenagers seem to have too much emotion about small things so you jump straight to problem solving mode or tell them it isn’t a bg deal. This leaves them feeling like they don’t matter to you.
Not giving your full attention - Teens seem to feel like little things are the biggest deal in the world. You have a lot of actually big problems on your mind. The gossipy story they are telling you only needs half an ear while you chop those onions right? No, this story is the biggest thing in their life and anything other than your full attention is sending a message that they don’t matter to you.
Being inconsistent by overreacting - Teens are programmed to drive hard to get their immediate need met. It is helping them learn adult interaction and boundaries. If you have found yourself caving in or getting annoyed and doling out a punishment, it is likely you have been inconsistent and they now won’t respect your boundary.
The key to a quick improvement
Whatever your teen brings, we can guarantee you it feels to them like the most important thing in the entire world. Don’t let social stereotypes spoil your interaction with your teen. Try our challenge for one week and you are bound to see an improvement.
Your challenge
Each time your teen brings something to you, stop whatever you are doing (if it’s safe to do so) and give them your attention. Open your response by acknowledging the feeling they are having and telling them that you would feel like that in the same situation. You are going to find your conversations much more productive and enjoyable.
